"Silence is Golden"

I was taught that silence is golden. I was taught if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all. Pretty logical. I was born and raised in the midwest. I’m not sure if that’s just what people in the midwest do, but I’m certainly hopeful that’s a widespread teaching.

A quick snapshot

For anyone who doesn’t know, I have an interesting past. It’s been a life so far that has been quiet, loud, and then loudly quiet.

I met my former partner, Jeff, at some point in the Fall of 2008. I was 23 years-old, he was 38. By January 2009, we were living together. He had a television show on Bravo that was somewhere in the middle of filming and finishing the 3rd Season. It was called Flipping Out.

There was an eruption at the end of that 3rd Season that resulted in a severed business relationship and I was thrust into helping with his business. It was also the housing market crash of 2009 and my own business wasn’t working out. While I was fascinated with the business end of his work, I truly wanted nothing to do with being a part of the television show.

As Season 5 approached, Andy Cohen specifically said that if we don’t have Gage and more of the real life situation that’s going on, there probably isn’t a show. Suddenly, I was filming and on television. If it was important for the business, I would do it.

For anyone who watched—it was clear that I didn’t really want to be there. I looked miserable filming, it showed and I was. Another topic for another day.

Many years later and many television season renewals later, an opportunity surfaced to fill in as a guest host for the newly launched Radio Andy imprint on SiriusXM. The show was Reality Checked with Amy Phillips. Amy was going on maternity leave but my former partner wasn’t sure about doing the show.

I really supported the idea of him trying this media. With any opportunity where you could speak daily about anything you wanted to speak about, there’s some safety in that. If an issue came up, you could talk about it and give your perspective.

This opportunity was that if it worked out. I’m generally an optimist and at this point I believe we had been together for 8-years so I had watched a lot of his behavior. I knew that he was incredible at interviewing and extracting information from people about things they would normally never share. I had never seen anything like it and I knew that he could be good (if not great) on radio.

He showed up to guest host Reality Checked. The show had a format and you needed to follow it while she was away. Amy would report with guests on current Bravo shows. They also had a news section about things that had nothing to do with Bravo and it was typically silly segments.

That morning I had researched a few stories of “news.” In the final minute before, he looked at me and said “I’m not doing that, you are.”

The show went live and “Gage at the News Desk” was born.

First comes television, then comes radio. What could go wrong?

Fast forward

Television ended after 11-seasons and radio really kicked off after a couple of years of time (like I had thought it might). We had a baby. She turned 1. Then she turned 2. He and I made it to 10-years together. And then it ended.

It was abrupt to outsiders, inevitable to me and I’m not totally sure where he landed on the spectrum. It would seem somewhere in between. Nonetheless, there was A LOT of history and I cannot emphasize A LOT enough.

The radio show moved to 3-days per week the week that we split. The news of our break was clickbait like I would have never expected. I think more people read about our breakup than watched the television show. The radio show fed the digital stories, the digital stories fed the show. It grew and then it grew more.

We had to learn to navigate our lives separately while trying to figure out how to co-parent our then 2-year old daughter (who is now almost 10) all while he had a microphone.

Where we are now

Our relationship ended 7-1/2 years ago. In that time, I have tried to rebuild my life personally, financially and in business. What I really thought could happen is that I could eventually get back to a level of autonomy. I really wondered who would care about me in public? I’m just a regular person, I’m raising a daughter. I have a great fiancé, I have now two amazing kids, I have incredible and supportive friends. Let me just fade away and live a normal’ish life.

Unfortunately, it has been the opposite. Anything shared publicly is a one-sided bash session from the radio show. There have been 3-rounds of litigation about custody, all shared on the radio show. My parenting moves, my household and communication about co-parenting—all discussed openly on the radio show.

I think it’s safe to assume that I have been discussed more on radio over the last 7-years than in the 7-years on television. A radio show I’m not even on.

What is next

As I mentioned at the beginning, I have felt throughout my life that silence is golden. That eventually—I don’t know—the truth or something might prevail? That the bully would stop bullying?

I think I’ve been preyed on for that mindset. I think a lot of things have been said by my former partner in the hopes that I simply wouldn’t talk and that this would continue to be a one-sided story. Convenient from his lens.

If anyone is going to write my story, it’s going to be me.

You might find it shocking, you might think it’s eye opening, you might be bored. It might change your opinion, it might confirm what you already think of me.

I always thought when I was on television that as long as I’m authentically me while filming, I could rest easy knowing that however an audience would judge from watching, it was really me.

I haven’t done that in 7-years.

So here we go…