About Scott

What Really Happened

The Setup

On November 11th, 2022 I was on a flight to Miami for a wedding. For those of you that followed me over the years, you’ll remember that I was traveling frequently for work and I would do Instagram Q&As on my flights to and from. They were often evenings and they often involved a couple of cocktails—to be fair.

On this particular evening, I was in the middle of one when someone sent me a screenshot that a gentleman named Scott Anderson announced he was in his third trimester of pregnancy via surrogate and was expecting a baby. Someone asked about him and I posted, “Wouldn’t that be a plot twist. He always avoided me, but seemed like a really nice guy. I think he’s having a baby. I certainly wish him well and the best.” That was all, I laughed it off.

Then I got a DM from a mutual friend Liat. She said, “LMAO. I can actually see this.” “It’s so rare u find gay guys who want a fam and settle down.”

My wheels started turning. Don’t think I hadn’t thought about it before. I just never had a single degree of separation to give me any inkling of who this person was and to give a nod to say ‘maybe…’ It piqued my curiosity with nothing but a few hours of time to marinate on this thought before I landed.

Where I Was At

For a quick catch up, my 10-year relationship with my former partner ended January of 2019. We had a daughter together and she was 2-years-old at that time. We worked together up until May of 2019, we resolved custody at 50/50, I was running my business, things were going well. I had dated two different times for a matter of a few months each, found out things I liked, things that I didn’t, had a scattering of one-off dates with a few people you’d probably find interesting. Nothing stuck, I was a little over the trying and I had landed on the conclusion that I was set…

My business is good, our daughter is good, I’m becoming the parent that feels natural, I’m getting into a rhythm, dating is complex, I have a small core group of great people, friends and chosen family in my life…this is pretty great. I’m 4-years since this very public breakup. I’m good with where life is at, I’m content.

I told all of this to one of my closest Mom friends, someone who has been chosen family for this duration of time and had been through each various experience from the sideline. She said, “And now, it’s going to happen.”

Background

When my former partner and I split, I had a bit of an understanding of where I thought his next relationship would be and I was a bit at peace knowing that. I didn’t know when it would happen but I knew it was no longer me. I’ll get into that at some point, but it couldn’t be clearer at the time to me personally.

I’ve mentioned before, he and I had a 15-year age gap. I believe it was the youngest and widest age gap he had ever dated. I guess it was right because it did last 10-years and we have a beautiful daughter from the partnership. However, I thought for sure he would end up with someone closer to his age, maybe older…that was my take away. I was preparing myself to find out about some slightly older movie producer or an attorney or a doctor or someone who also had kids.

Superman

Within 3-months of our breakup, however, my former partner posted a picture on Instagram with Superman. A stunning human that looked photoshopped. That’s the only explanation I could give myself—that’s not a real picture. He found, arguably, a better looking brunette version of me, 1-year older, running his own properties, tall, handsome, seemingly very sweet and his name was Scott. I thought to myself, well…I didn’t see that coming.

At that time, I was a little too attentive to the radio show. It was all so fresh, there was a lot of shit talking going on, there were still headlines every couple of days so I was really “in it” still. But from that came a better understanding of who Scott was.

Over the course of their 2-1/2 year-ish time together, my former partner and his soon to be ex split up multiple times for weeks/month long periods in between. Each time—go figure—was talked about on the radio show. As I listened or read articles, each time and for each reason—I thought…oh yeah I have thought that before…yes, that too…wow, this guy has a good head on his shoulders. He saw things very quickly and very clearly.

What was additive is that our daughter told me how nice this Scott guy was. They would play Barbies together, they gardened, he would go do activities with her. On trips, he would go do the toy stores, plays and activities with her. He was involved and it was him that I was hearing about from her. It was just nice comforting stories as you are newly in co-parenting. It’s kind of the exact thing you would want to have as you have shared custody. All along I thought…HE is who I can co-parent with through this nearly impossible situation. Truly, I was rooting for them and I was sad when they would breakup.

The repetitive breaks often worried me because I wondered what our daughter thought. Where did this guy go? But it never really came up for her. At this time range, she was 2-1/2 to 5 years of age. There were a lot of people still going through her other home daily, a rotation of nannies and housekeepers. My true takeaway was that he was a caretaker in her eyes during this time.

Holiday Spirit

Their last stretch seemed to be longer and lasting. As we neared Christmas of 2021, things seemed to be going well with everyone. My former partner seemed happy, we were getting along okay. I was excited about what I was hearing about this Scott guy, our daughter is in a good place, the holidays are coming up. I was feeling the spirit of Christmas and I wanted to attempt getting us together in a simple brunch. Hey it’s Christmas, here is our daughter for our holiday exchange, come see our new building and I’ll make brunch and then you guys go on your way. I had never met Scott in person, only pictures and hearsay. I thought, it really is time, this is the team for our daughter.

They agreed. I went and got them a beautiful Ralph Lauren brass picture frame with an image of our daughter and a matching set of crystal and brass candy jars. I thought it would be perfect for whatever home they had recently moved back into at the time. Beautiful accessories you would keep forever.

Just days before Christmas, my former partner cancelled. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.” Understandable, I guess. His prerogative. Whenever this happens, it feels like parenting a small child through their insecurities. It even happened recently with co-parenting therapy. No, I won’t do it. My experience has been that it is simply because everyone else around thinks whatever it is at the moment is a good healthy next step, so he will just immediately pump the brakes. For someone that loves a good story and drama, when it gets real and it could strike real emotion…he pulls back.

It was frustrating but I immediately regifted myself the Ralph Lauren set. To this day it’s beautifully displayed and reminds me of that moment that could have been growth.

Falling Apart

Unbeknownst to me, I think a few elements were at play. He didn’t want us in the same place together, I think that would have really triggered some big emotional reactions of his former life and the new life and I think he’s really still not over our former life, which I’ll get into. There was also someone else circling Scott’s position in that home. I found out later that things actually weren’t so solid at that time.

Because of that situation, and this is not my story to tell, Scott ended the relationship with finality on or around the Super Bowl 2022 which was right at Valentine’s Day that year. My former partner was on a date with his next boyfriend within those days. I knew regretfully that was the end of having Scott around for the potential of co-parenting and that this was actually now over.

I didn’t really think of it again. I didn’t particularly care for the new person but I actually thought the two of them were probably a better match. He’s more into entertainment, seemed to like my former partners drama, not ideal or helpful in my co-parenting journey but I really wasn’t thinking about it.

All Alone

I had heard a rumbling from someone that Scott was at an event for a fertility clinic. This guy I had gone on a date with had been talking with Scott and thought he was having a kid on his own. So this seed had been planted that there was a possibility. The information has kind of not sure but it made me think.

A few months later, I’m on this flight and I see a screenshot that Scott did announce he was in his 3rd trimester. I was floored and a lot of thoughts came through my head. That’s an incredible path to create a family fully on your own as what seemed to be a single parent? I didn’t know but I was flooded with the memory of everything that had gone into our journey together, with coordinators, attorneys, the emotions, the fears, scares. I cared about this person without ever even meeting him because of how he cared for our daughter. All I could think was, he did this alone? Having a family as a gay person is never an oops moment. It requires tremendous planning. It was fascinating to me from just surface level.

Simultaneous to this rumbling and then proof that Superman Scott was having a family on his own, our daughter would still often speak about him. It seemed almost as if she was trying to understand where he was, but in sharing a nice story about things she used to do with this caring person. I know I cannot control it and that’s just life, but it always rubs me the wrong way when seemingly kind nice people simply disappear from her life at her other house. Long time care takers, just poof…gone. With no explanation or a very odd one. Because of their involvement as a primary person in the home, I always worry what the long term effects of that will be for her and I don’t always know how or if I can even counterbalance that.

Fast Forward

Anyway, I’m on this flight and all of these thoughts and emotions start flooding and I’ve got a couple hours to land. Liat messages me. That’s a one degree of separation moment. She quasi-endorsed and she had spent a lot of time with Scott ironically. She knew his demeanor and I had known her for years.

As a Dad, I’m sitting there thinking, forget everything else…how can I help or be supportive to another Dad? This is a person that helped my kid, I can only imagine he could use supportive talk as he’s on this life altering journey creating his family. Alone? Wow.

So I told Liat to reach out to him and she did. I was scared because of the fact, this was my former partners ex. All kinds of drama would happen if anyone found out and I was tussling with the idea of how much I cared about that versus what could help this other person out. I didn’t know how it would be received by Scott and I thought the intermediary between us would be helpful

Let Me Handle This

Then I said Fuck It, I’m reaching out directly and I did. If someone is going to be communicating, I’m going to be the one communicating.

I don’t have the exact opening line, but it was something like this.

I know we’ve never met and you likely want nothing to do with me. I just want you to know that our daughter still talks about you occasionally. I am so grateful to you for how kind you were to her. Because of that, I know you’re going to be an incredible father and I’m wishing you congratulations on your pregnancy. If you ever wanted to get a drink, I’d be down.

I went right for the meet up. Too forward. His response was expected. Thank you, I loved my time with Monroe. That said, I want nothing to do with any of you. But I appreciate your congratulations. Something like that—a kind nice brush off. Enough that the window was open so I wasn’t done.

I totally understand that, just know that I can always be a sounding board for any questions you have about being a dad if you ever need it. Again, very grateful for how you treated our daughter and I’m here if you need.

And on went at least an hour, maybe 2-hours, of DMing back and forth. Questions, advice, pictures of his nursery setup, some of the challenges he had with the pregnancy, a bit of his birth plan, talk about the surrogate journey.

I was floored. My suspicions that this was done entirely alone, confirmed. That’s a huge undertaking and takes incredible courage. All I could think was this is one of the rarest of rare people.

As our DM’ing was winding down this first exchange, I started getting old photos he had of our daughter and activities that they would do together. Some of which I knew about, some I had no idea. I had no idea he had arranged for writing cards to Santa with her. Things like that that I could feel the heartache from the messaging.

I said, You need to see her again before you’re off to wait for your son to be born, and I would like for her to see you for her own understanding that you didn’t disappear. I also thought she would be happy to find out from Scott that he would be bringing a son into the world.

I laid out where we typically were on Sundays for lunch at that time, where we park and what path we walked to the restaurant. It was a routine. I said, meet us anytime you’d like in the next few weeks, we’ll be there. He was out of town and the date that he could meet us was the Sunday after Thanksgiving.

The Lunch That Changed Everything

That Sunday, a couple of weeks later as our daughter and I got out of Valet at The Grove, there was a statuesque figure standing in front of a store on our walk to our lunch. “Scott!” She ran into his arms for the biggest hug. Someone she hadn’t seen and didn’t know where he went for nearly a year was back in front of her. At 6-years-old, that probably felt like a lifetime.

“What are you doing here?!” She asked.

“I’m just doing some shopping.” He said.

“We're going to lunch, come to lunch with us!” She demanded.

“Okay.” He accepted.

This was the first time I had ever heard him speak. It really was a lunch for them to re-connect and have a healthy catchup. He also got to share pictures of his ultrasound and tell the story about how he’s starting a family and bringing a baby boy into the world soon. It was the sweetest lunch, I have the sweetest picture of them sitting next to each other talking. We then went on to one of our favorite stores and bought him a onesie as a gift and we went our separate ways.

I couldn’t believe what had just happened. It was the sweetest and healthiest meet for her. She was on cloud-nine. Over the moon, so happy that there would be a baby boy in the coming months and that she wanted to meet that baby boy when he was here.

Rarest of Rare

Scott was indeed the rarest of rare humans I’ve ever met. At the core, a man that wanted to create a family so much that he did it on his own. Also not my story to share, but it was not an easy journey and knowing the other things he went through, I just wanted to hug him. He was through it and the scares, but I couldn’t believe he handled it all alone. I saw a spark of how kind he was to our daughter for the first time in person and I understood her love for him and how it instantly picked right back up. It was clear to me, this was the kindest of kind type of person.

I was in a bit of a shock. What initially started as an outreach, an appreciation of who he was to our daughter and an excitement for a journey he’s about to start in raising family, made a bit of a turn. This was the most attractive man I’ve ever sat in front of. I was a little bit starstruck, out of words. I didn’t know if the feelings were the same, but wow. Like, wow…

There were two things I was weighing given our past relationships. 1) This isn’t normal and 2) Do I really care? Is our history of who we both dated something that should prevent what a future could be? I jumped ahead quickly after one lunch to what this could be. I didn’t expect it, but I was instantly smitten. There was just something there and I couldn’t describe it.

I assessed the situation in person as I watched the two of them reconnect and I got to meet him for the first time. Not to minimize, but our daughter viewed him as a caretaker. Another one of many people that helped her at a very young age. There wasn’t a confusion, he was just now sitting at a table, instead with her other dad.

I was mulling it over, while wondering if he was mulling it over too. I did tell my former partner that we had crossed paths (not the entire story that it was slightly arranged) but that our daughter would likely be sharing and the two of them had a nice lunch. Expectedly, that became a mess on radio and suspicions were raised but that was bound to happen and that would be just the beginning.

A few weeks went by and there was subtle messaging. The public flare up was all the attention Scott didn’t want as he was getting ready for a baby moon and sitting the anxiety of waiting for a surrogate to give birth to his son.

Dad Stuff

I was on my way back from a work trip in New York on December 10th and I was DM’ing Scott checking in. He happened to be going to a friend’s birthday dinner in Venice that evening and he was leaving the following day for Europe for a last getaway alone before his Baby Boy was due. I was landing around 7:00pm at LAX, near Venice. I had not actually seen him since we met with Monroe. I knew of a place we could go, that ended up being across the street from his dinner. I said, let’s just meet.

We did talk about was about the same subject of parenting, where he was at mentally, last minute things he was getting ready for his trip. It was a nice 30-45 minute round of drinks. It was also casually the two of us both trying to figure out, what is this exactly? A couple weeks later after seeing eachother in person for the first time, what could this be? We were both left to wonder, neither one wanting to step too far ahead. Was there chemistry?

As I’m in the middle of processing all of these thoughts, I look up and Tyler Meyerkorth is walking by our table. For those of you that followed the television show and the end of it, Tyler was my former partner’s assistant. At the time, he was still his assistant. Tyler knew Scott, Tyler reported to my former partner. Here we are at a random spot in Venice, not near where any of us live…and that is the person that walks by.

It couldn’t have been 10-minutes longer and word got out that Scott and I were at drinks. All suspicions confirmed. Speeding through the nonsense, Liat—who encouraged this a month prior—told me on Sunday morning that my former partner knew and that I should get ahead of it. That was the birth of “Dad Stuff”.

I put out some Instagram Story about how you’re going to hear about this tomorrow on a radio show, but I did meet up with Scott and we talked about “Dad Stuff.” SiriusXM chopped that up and repeated it on a loop mocking me with a commercial promo promoting “Jeff Lewis Live” and they still air it to this day. I shouldn’t have cared, I did, and I regret even trying to cover any tracks…knowing where this all went in time.

Dating From Europe

Scott luckily left the country for a couple of weeks and was not following anything that was being said about us. With what was being shared publicly, yes…it appeared odd. I’ll give everyone that. But we were the only two people sharing the feelings, exploring our thoughts, getting an understanding of what could be, knowing there would be people talking about why it should not.

We continued to DM throughout his Europe trip and I found myself on the trip each day. Where he ate, where he explored, what he was doing, where he was going next. Everything started to click. We really enjoyed eachother and immediately started sharing the basics of what was going on in our worlds.

The trip went on for 2-weeks. Toward the middle of it, it really clicked. “Are you flirting with me?” He asked. “What took you so long to realize?” I responded.

What started as an outreach and appreciation for him, my lending a voice to talk to about embarking on parenthood, had now shifted toward what if we explored navigating our worlds that lay ahead—together?

First Date

Our first actual date was on December 26th, 2022, a day after he returned from Europe. At my building, I made dinner, no one was going to know. It was perfect and I knew immediately then that this was my person. He was leaving shortly after to go wait for his surrogate to give birth so we probably only saw each other one more time after that but I knew there isn’t another person that I align with more than this man. Someone that I know is about to become an incredible dad, someone that cared for our daughter, would love her as his own and someone focused on raising a family. All of these pure and wholesome qualities that are incredibly rare to find, packaged in the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. What else could a gay man with a family ask for? We both had to decide: should our history outweigh what our future could be? And we decided.

5-weeks after our first date, Scott brought home a beautiful and healthy baby boy. His son. Something he did all on his own. Something he created for his future. Almost 4-years later, it’s our future.

Forever

I asked Scott to marry me completely out of nowhere last Summer on my 40th Birthday. We hadn’t talked about marriage much, there was no plan. We had already been raising our family together for 2-1/2 years and that was all the permanence we needed. But I saw no other future than with Scott and our kids and I wanted my next 40+ years to be with him and for our kids to know that love and safety. He was completely in shock, and luckily said yes.

As I wrote the opening line to this article and I went back to see when this exchange all started. It’s been a complete oversight for years about the numerology. It’s not something I’m into or follow at all, but because people put emphasis on when you see the numbers 11:11, I looked into it. This all started on 11/11/22…which seemed interesting.

My quick research: The 11s are master numbers associated with intuition and insight. The year 2022 reduces to 6 (2+0+2+2) and links to home, responsibility and harmony. The 22 is also another master number called the master builder. The overall date 1+1+1+1+2+0+2+2=10 reduces to 1. The overall 1 is linked to beginnings, initiative, independence.

Practitioners tend to summarize it to a fresh-start day accessed through heightened intuition, landing in a year about building something stable. Typical LA bullshit, I know. But years later, it’s interesting and that was a complete oversight until I started writing this.

What I do know is that Scott is my home, harmony and stability. My favorite part of the day is talking with him at the end of it. Sharing what our kids did, what happened in the world, what happened with work.

For me, the future potential does outweigh our past. Scott is my proof.